surfing around yojoe today, I unearthed an electronic timecapsule. I'm not even sure how I got to it but it was a real blast from the past to read again after more than a decade. Really brought me back to the days of surfing the old newgroup (pre-dated even the yahoo mailing list), and plenty of people here now were there with me too. Yeah, I made an off-handed Warflight reference to something in the Off Topic section here a month or two ago and I know some of you guys remember him and his wit. But how many other guys here remember reading Corey Stinson's old newletters?
It's tough to believe that this 12th newletter of the yojoe.com of yesteryear is really 11 years old but that's what the date says.
http://www.yojoe.com/faq/newsletter/issue12.txt
here's a highlight from it, a quartet of Bronze Bomber filecards that GITrekker wrote up to bring the "trooper" figures from that set into the GIJoe universe unofficially:
Quote:
BRONZE BOMBERS IN THE GI JOE UNIVERSE?
-bios by Thomas Wheeler <GITrekker@aol.com>
Thinking of a way to integrate the Bronze Bombers 3 3/4" military action
figures into your GI Joe universe? Check out Thomas' excellent bio-cards
based on the Cobra figure repaints that appeared in the Bronze Bombers
window-boxed set.
ENFORCERS
DARKLON'S ELITE TROOPERS
In conjunction with Destro's IRON GRENADIERS, his cousin Darklon has also
organized a cadre of troopers designated ENFORCERS. Allowing for a
considerable ego on Darklon's part, all of the Enforcers wear uniforms
identical in design, if not coloration, to Darklon himself. However, Darklon
has always regarded his version of the "family mask" to be the most
terrifying, despite comparison's on some people's part that it could convict
Darklon of impersonating a household appliance. But there's nothing funny
about the Enforcers. They're mean, nasty, and worst of all, highly trained
and strictly disciplined. Rumor has it that a number of them are former Cobra
Alley-Vipers that got kicked out for being too unpleasant even for Cobra.
>From General Hawk's Files: "Where do people like this come from? What sort of
lives have they led to turn out like this? Is it a reflection of the world we
live in that there seems to be no shortage of them, these merciless vermin
whose only loyalty is to the money they are paid by their commanders?"
RADAR-VIPERS
COBRA LONG-RANGE SPOTTERS
Somebody got the bright idea that you could take the heavily padded headgear
of the old Motor-Vipers, hollow it out, and load it up with the latest in
electronic detection devices. RADAR-VIPERS are little more than video-game
addicts living in a virtual reality world. But don't be fooled. Video gamers
can have some of the fastest eyesight, quickest reflexes, and least amount of
concern about blowing away a target as anyone on the face of the planet. They
don't tend to see as much action as they'd like, though. Their real job is
more or less behind the lines, keeping watch on the horizon for approaching
targets. This is not to keep the Radar-Vipers from harm. Those
virtual-reality helmets they wear cost a bundle, and Cobra Commander doesn't
want to have to replace any more of them than he has to.
>From General Hawk's Files: "Thank you so much, Sega and Nintendo. Thanks to
your high-speed shoot-em-up games, we've got an all-new threat to deal with,
the likes of which wouldn't've have even existed five years ago. Leave it to
Cobra to put a generation of Beavis and Butt-Head video slackers to work."
AQUA-VIPERS
COBRA ELITE UNDERWATER TROOPERS
The wonders of genetic engineering are responsible for these new undersea
horrors. After the decidedly extreme case of the Bio-Vipers a few years ago,
and the moderately successful Hydro-Vipers prior to that, Dr. Mindbender
refined his techniques that much more to create the Aqua-Vipers. These
troopers are NOT amphibious. They are totally water-dedicated. They wear
their helmets OUT of the water because they cannot breathe in the open air.
Under the water, they are easily five times stronger, faster, and more at
home than the best Navy SEAL or deep sea diver. And ten times meaner for not
being able to emerge from the water and enjoy a day in the sun without a suit
that would make an astronaut's outfit look like a t-shirt and cut-offs by
comparison.
>From General Hawk's Files: "Remember that comic-book character, Namor the
Sub-Mariner. This guy who was really strong and fast underwater, but had an
evil temper? Imagine facing an entire troop division of guys like that.
Fortunately, unlike Namor, they're pretty helpless on land. But that's small
consolation when you consider that 75% of the planet is covered with water.
Let's hope the genetic processes involved in turning out these guys are too
expensive for Cobra to make very many of them, or the oceans are going to get
very nasty."
CRIMSON GUARD SUPREME
COBRA ULTIMATE ELITE TROOPERS
First there were the Crimson Guards, then the Crimson Guard Immortals, then
the Crimson Guard Commander divisions. Now there are the Crimson Guard
Supremes. The Crimson Guards have always been regarded as the best of the
best. Highly trained, both for battlefield and various infiltration work.
They can shoot up a combat zone, or blend into a friendly community to
corrupt it for Cobra. The Crimson Guard Supremes are no exception to this
procedure. They're trained to go unnoticed, until called upon by Cobra to
perform their assigned function. A Crimson Guard Supreme could be the nicest
guy on your block. Until Cobra needs him. Then out comes that red uniform and
the assault rifle.
>From General Hawk's Files: "These guys are really nasty. If they don't get
you on the battlefield, they'll get you with legal paperwork. We had one of
these characters actually try to sue us for shooting at him during a
firefight!"
-bios by Thomas Wheeler <GITrekker@aol.com>
Thinking of a way to integrate the Bronze Bombers 3 3/4" military action
figures into your GI Joe universe? Check out Thomas' excellent bio-cards
based on the Cobra figure repaints that appeared in the Bronze Bombers
window-boxed set.
ENFORCERS
DARKLON'S ELITE TROOPERS
In conjunction with Destro's IRON GRENADIERS, his cousin Darklon has also
organized a cadre of troopers designated ENFORCERS. Allowing for a
considerable ego on Darklon's part, all of the Enforcers wear uniforms
identical in design, if not coloration, to Darklon himself. However, Darklon
has always regarded his version of the "family mask" to be the most
terrifying, despite comparison's on some people's part that it could convict
Darklon of impersonating a household appliance. But there's nothing funny
about the Enforcers. They're mean, nasty, and worst of all, highly trained
and strictly disciplined. Rumor has it that a number of them are former Cobra
Alley-Vipers that got kicked out for being too unpleasant even for Cobra.
>From General Hawk's Files: "Where do people like this come from? What sort of
lives have they led to turn out like this? Is it a reflection of the world we
live in that there seems to be no shortage of them, these merciless vermin
whose only loyalty is to the money they are paid by their commanders?"
RADAR-VIPERS
COBRA LONG-RANGE SPOTTERS
Somebody got the bright idea that you could take the heavily padded headgear
of the old Motor-Vipers, hollow it out, and load it up with the latest in
electronic detection devices. RADAR-VIPERS are little more than video-game
addicts living in a virtual reality world. But don't be fooled. Video gamers
can have some of the fastest eyesight, quickest reflexes, and least amount of
concern about blowing away a target as anyone on the face of the planet. They
don't tend to see as much action as they'd like, though. Their real job is
more or less behind the lines, keeping watch on the horizon for approaching
targets. This is not to keep the Radar-Vipers from harm. Those
virtual-reality helmets they wear cost a bundle, and Cobra Commander doesn't
want to have to replace any more of them than he has to.
>From General Hawk's Files: "Thank you so much, Sega and Nintendo. Thanks to
your high-speed shoot-em-up games, we've got an all-new threat to deal with,
the likes of which wouldn't've have even existed five years ago. Leave it to
Cobra to put a generation of Beavis and Butt-Head video slackers to work."
AQUA-VIPERS
COBRA ELITE UNDERWATER TROOPERS
The wonders of genetic engineering are responsible for these new undersea
horrors. After the decidedly extreme case of the Bio-Vipers a few years ago,
and the moderately successful Hydro-Vipers prior to that, Dr. Mindbender
refined his techniques that much more to create the Aqua-Vipers. These
troopers are NOT amphibious. They are totally water-dedicated. They wear
their helmets OUT of the water because they cannot breathe in the open air.
Under the water, they are easily five times stronger, faster, and more at
home than the best Navy SEAL or deep sea diver. And ten times meaner for not
being able to emerge from the water and enjoy a day in the sun without a suit
that would make an astronaut's outfit look like a t-shirt and cut-offs by
comparison.
>From General Hawk's Files: "Remember that comic-book character, Namor the
Sub-Mariner. This guy who was really strong and fast underwater, but had an
evil temper? Imagine facing an entire troop division of guys like that.
Fortunately, unlike Namor, they're pretty helpless on land. But that's small
consolation when you consider that 75% of the planet is covered with water.
Let's hope the genetic processes involved in turning out these guys are too
expensive for Cobra to make very many of them, or the oceans are going to get
very nasty."
CRIMSON GUARD SUPREME
COBRA ULTIMATE ELITE TROOPERS
First there were the Crimson Guards, then the Crimson Guard Immortals, then
the Crimson Guard Commander divisions. Now there are the Crimson Guard
Supremes. The Crimson Guards have always been regarded as the best of the
best. Highly trained, both for battlefield and various infiltration work.
They can shoot up a combat zone, or blend into a friendly community to
corrupt it for Cobra. The Crimson Guard Supremes are no exception to this
procedure. They're trained to go unnoticed, until called upon by Cobra to
perform their assigned function. A Crimson Guard Supreme could be the nicest
guy on your block. Until Cobra needs him. Then out comes that red uniform and
the assault rifle.
>From General Hawk's Files: "These guys are really nasty. If they don't get
you on the battlefield, they'll get you with legal paperwork. We had one of
these characters actually try to sue us for shooting at him during a
firefight!"