After reading some of the recent Hasbro Q&A sessions for Satr Wars, GI Joe and Marvel Universe, I noticed how evasive most of the answers have been, and how loaded with corporate jargon and doublespeak they are.

I started to wonder what would happen if they were given a truth drug and forced to answer the questions honestly:

Dear Mr. Hasbro..........

Q1:
Why are you releasing fan favourites such as Dr Mindbender and Recondo in Seven packs at an inflated price rather than as single carded figures?
A1:
Because we can! We know that there are one or two figures in each pack that collectors are desperate for, and there is little chance of seeing them single carded before 2011. We pack lesser popular figures in with them because we know that collectors will buy the sets to get the ones they want, even if they have to get figures they don't want to do so. Some of those figures are ones that would clog up the shelves in toy stores and supermarkets for months because only the really hardcore completist collectors will recognise and want them. This way we get to charge a premium for figures few people want and still sell them. Even if the collectors and fans go on Ebay to buy them loose, the dealers still have to buy the full set to break it up into single loose figures. Either way, we win.

Q2:
We have been told that there will be a few Resolute figures scattered through the movie line, but that we will be predominantly seeing the latter this summer. Are you seeing the movie figures as the way forward?
A2:
Of course we are. The 25th style line and resolute cartoon have just been a way of getting the brand back into the public conciuosness and collectors mindset before the movie is released. We have been teasing people with pictures of figures and vehicles to whet your appetites. We have spent a lot of money on merchandising for the movie. If the movie tanks, we can always blame the fans for not showing enough support. We want you to buy lots of the figures and vehicles. Remember, if you don't buy multiples of your least favourite figure, they will clog the shelves and the stores won't put out the next wave. If the toys don't sell well, it will give us an excuse to shelve the line until the next anniversary, the 50th, by which time the present collectors will be more worried about their colostomy bags and zimmer frames than a line of toys.
Resolute will only continue if the movie makes squazillions of dollars at the box office. If it fails, forget it. We won't flog a dead horse.

Q3:
Do actual employees of Hasbro answer the submitted questions?
A3:
Hell no! Have you ever seen the movie Crazy people with Dudley Moore and Daryl Hannah? We take the questions to the janitor to take to the nearest psychiatric hospital and give them to anyone who responds positively to the question: "Do you want to be a fire engine?" We have better things to do with our time than answer questions from geeks and nerds.

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Spot on, dude!

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...that explains the Big Lob answer...

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