Joe's CantinaEpisode 5: Realtor of the StarsNo, not celebrities. Actual stars. He sells 'em (and the planets that go with them)
"He" is Joe Soprano, and through his company Geographical Investments (G.I.), Joe (or G.I. Joey as he has been known to the patrons of Joe's Cantina for years) explores the habitable planets and moons of every system within man's reach, stakes claims when able, and sells newly found "real estate" to those who might cultivate these new properties.
Just as on old Earth, realty is a tough business. It's tougher when you're selling bits of land on remote planets which might be inaccessible by Jump Gates, or may not even be fully formed as of yet. Because it's so unpredictable, G.I. Joey started a second business in order to make ends meet (Steeler Freight), running cargo of all sorts to remote locales where the main interstellar freight lines (including the Royal lines from each of the Two Kingdoms) rarely go.
The space station known as The Artifex, in orbit around the mining planet of Farhaven is one such remote location. Sure, the planet's recent mining boom has attracted the return of semi-regular shipping lanes, but the station itself has not yet received direct benefit from this development. So, for now, The Artifex and its various retailers and residents are reliant upon small independent cargo operations such as Steeler Freight. The benefit is reciprocal, such that the Artifex makes for a key stop of Joe's as well. This second business makes abundant sense for a man who would be traveling through anyway, and the contacts and acquaintances from one endeavor occasionally produce new clients for the other.
In addition to staking and selling his own claims, G.I. Joey is available as a for-hire explorer, which is one line of work readily available for those willing and able.
With piracy running rampant throughout the Fringe, spacers such as Joe Soprano often have more actual combat experience than an overwhelming percentage of the galaxy's active military forces.Joe's return to the Artifex comes with little fanfare, and no official greeting from station security. He goes about his business of unloading his various deliveries from his ship located in the station's hangar in the belly of the structure.
Meanwhile, at Joe's Cantina... Week 3 of the Hunt for the alleged terrorist "Beav" begins...
Marshal Spinner: "I know you guys are tired of looking for clues, but it's only been two weeks. I started this investigation more than five years ago. Five years without any real answers. So let's get back in the game people. There is so much professional law enforcement experience combined in this room, it's only..."
Officer Jonn (interrupting): "Hey guys, they have hot dogs over here too! And burgers, and french fries, and..."
Spinner: "...a matter of..." (trails off and shakes head)
Big Papa's scratchy voice interjected with a sobering thought that brought the focus of the group back to the matter at hand: "You've heard the rumblings of war coming between the Two Kingdoms, right? You all know that with that ore strike down below us, and with not one but two spaceports here that we gonna be caught smack dab in the middle of any fighting that starts up, right?
Well what if this whole Beav thing is part of that? What if he's part of a sleeper cell, just trying to get a foothold here before war breaks out?"
Officer Jonn: "I just assumed he was some kind of mass-murdering frakhead, the way we're all chasing after him. I really try to avoid all that politics between the Kingdoms stuff."
Spinner: "No, Jonn, I'm afraid it's more subversive than that. When I first opened the file on him, he was the prime suspect for leading a series of riots, gang wars and uprisings throughout the entire station. Beav pictures were showing up in graffiti everywhere, and violence was at an all-time high. We all feared the station would be taken over by a revolutionary mastermind. But when we had the mass exodus from the station, it seemed to all stop. We thought he was gone too."
Officer Jonn: "You've been awful quiet Percy. What do you make of all this?"
Big Papa answered for him, laughing: "He's been sitting there quietly cleaning that pistol for the last half hour, hoping one of you would notice it was a new piece - that's what
he makes of all of this!"
Sputnik: {Dude, that's shiny. Where'd you get it?}
Ajax, ignoring the jabs, answered as though they were interested: "Thanks for asking. It comes from a design I had commissioned from my dad's company, Ajax Armaments. I
left* before I could see it actually made, but I took the plans with me. Lucky for me, we've got one of the finest weaponsmiths in the galaxy right here on the Artifex. I dropped the plans off at Cap's shop last time I was through here. He made me not one, but two. You're looking at the galaxy's only two
Knighthawk Equalizers. Impulse pistols with 50 pellet magazines, and a variable rate self-charging battery to allow for impact blasts ranging from stun shots to virtual explosive rounds. Because of that I can just set the dial to about 40% of a normal round and still get kill shots without compromising space safe conditions. No needle weapons for this man."
Ajax stopped cleaning his pistol abruptly and stood up to leave: "Well guys, now that I got to show those off, I'm ready to roll. Let's go hunt some space beaver..."
Spinner: "I was really hoping that slang would go away by now to be honest, but..."
JM70: "Space Beeeeaaaaaaverrrrrr!"
Sputnik: {Beeeaaaaaavverrs in Spaaaace!}
Spinner: "m'kay, let's go"
Sputnik: {Fellas? Hey, a hand here please? JM?}
JM70: "Jonn, I have two important things I want to say to you."
Jonn: "yeah?"
JM70: "First, that is one [LASER BLAST]' hat man."
(Jonn nods in agreement)
JM70: "And second. Wait. I think I'm forgetting something..."
Sputnik: {ME. You're forgetting ME "LASER BLAST HOLE"!!!}
JM70: "Ah, I remembered now. Second, you gonna eat those fries?"
Sputnik: {They forget me again Ami. They go on patrol every night for two straight weeks and they forget me every damn night. I'm the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy, and nobody from that brain trust of law enforcement has yet remembered to carry me back to my body in the hangar.}
Ami: "You want me to take you back to the bartop and get you a PBR hon?"
Sputnik (sniffing as though he might cry): {You get me, don't you? You really get me. Yeah, and keep them coming. Gonna be another long night.}
Just a few moments later, G.I. Joey arrives at JCs with his first delivery of the night...
Joe: "Dude, what's with the hard hat?"
Sputnik: {Renovations...wait, Joe is that you? Damn, haven't seen you here much lately.}
Joe: "work, work and more work. So why are they bothering fixing the place up. Thought The Artifex was a ghost town these days."
Sputnik: {Oh, you must not have heard. Next weekend a tourist group is arriving. First real passenger ship (that wasn't empty) to come through here in years. The buzz is they may stay docked here for as long as a month as they prepare for a long journey through the Fringe. Everyone's been going crazy getting ready.}
Joe glances around the empty bar: "So where is everyone then?"
Sputnik: {Beaver Hunt}
Joe raised his eyebrow: "Little early for that isn't it?"
Sputnik (laughing): {I'm sorry, no, I meant 'Space Beaver' hunt. 'Least that's what everyone's calling it. And the lawdog types here think there's an uprising or revolt coming. They are searching for the leader of some criminal cell, but they don't know what they're looking for. Whatever it is, they want to clean it up before all the paying customers arrive. Problem is they've been searching every night for two weeks straight with no real clues.}
Joe: "I liked the first version better.... but why are you still here? Aren't you the
Most Feared Bounty Hunter on the Fringe?"
Sputnik: {Yeah, well...I didn't want to join in. You know, not enough...whatdoyoucallit? bounty...}
Joe: "Or...someone left your disembodied head on the bartop and now you're stuck here??"
Sputnik: {Well, yeah, there's that too... frakking JM70 left me here. Been calling his communicator but the d-bag won't pick up..... I've been stuck here since the first night we arrived, after Officer Jonn made me park my body back in the hangar... he must be a roboticist or something. Anyway, that was about 2...5...weeks ag... wait, what month is it now? I don't know, it's been awhile. But now that I think about it, can you give me a lift?}
Joe: "Wish I could my man. But I still have to drop off a ton of scrap at Big Papa's before the night is through. First I need to deliver this to (reads label) a 'Mr. J.G. Pluvinksi'? That's P-Luv, right? You seen P-Luv around anywhere?"
Sputnik: {yeah, yeah, pluv. Just leave it here, I'll make sure he gets it in the morning...}
Sputnik stares at the can silently for a moment: {My eyes must still be blurry. I'd swear this says 'Canned Hamburgers' on it?}
Joe: "I just deliver it, I don't claim any responsibility for what's in it..."
Sputnik, still staring, remembers back to the burger he almost ate when he first arrived: {that can't be...}
Joe: "Snap out of it man. Can I get you to sign for... maybe just initial... nevermind... thanks for taking it!
Joe: "Damn! is that a new Holo-tainment system I see sitting there?"
Sputnik: {Damn straight man. Talked pluv into buying it for the grand re-opening. You should see the holo-show I'm programming for it - it's going to be [LASER BLAST]'.}
Joe: "Awesome. I'll try to stick around for it before I head out on the next leg of the trip. Good luck getting home!!"
Joe starts to leave, but turns back around, and places a brochure on the bar next to Sputnik: "Say, before I go, let me leave you this."
Sputnik: {What is this a picture of? Why are you giving me a picture of a volcano spewing molten lava?}
Joey: "It's a property I just staked on the third moon of Lemuria Prime... looks a bit too early to be a premier vacation spot, but it will be soon enough. Sure, you could wait til the moon is
formed and pay top dollar, or for just a few thousand credits, you could get in on the ground floor."
Sputnik: {But the volcano...}
Joe: ".."
Sputnik: {it's...}
Joe: ".."
Sputnik: {...it's beautiful.... I'll take it!!}
Joe, smacked his hand on the bar in celebration: "alright. I'll bring the deed by before I leave the station. Later man."
Sputnik turns to Ami. {Did I just buy a volcano? Man, I need to get back to the hotel soon and sleep off these booze...wait a second.}
Sputnik: {Holograph off}
with an electric crackle, Ami turns back into a service bot.
Sputnik: {I have an idea...}
*The true nature of Ajax's "defection" from his service for the King of Avalon and of his father's inheritance isn't yet known by the folks at JC's, and Ajax doesn't much like to talk about it.
Just because a smartass character says it that way doesn't mean much 
