ATTENTION CITIZENS: Your Glorious Corporate Benefactors have authorized the following event.

“Ladies and gentlemen across the Omni-Net, all temporal regions and alternate planes of existence, are you ready for tonight’s exciting race? It’s the 2077 “RAMJet Supermotoenduro”!

This is your old pal, Drongo Vik coming to you live from Outback Stadium in the former Australian Federation for a very special, 40th Anniversary edition of the “RAMJet Supermotoenduro”! The first leg of tonight’s race will consist of 300 laps over the “Hateful 8”, a deadly criss-cross dirt track followed by a harrowing 700 mile run through the “Inferno Catacombs” before any surviving racers reach the finish line!

Before we begin tonight’s festivities, a few warnings:

As we are in the Radback, be watchful for any mutants near or around the stadium that may want to eat you. Also, be sure that you have stocked up on your P-Luv Bio-Tech anti-rad pills or you are going to start losing hair and teeth.

For anyone that used Spectre-Tech Temporal/Dimensional Conveyance Devices, please be sure to adjust your phase compensators. Remember, last year we had an incident involving a DeLorean, a blue Police Box and an old American-styled phone booth that the lawyers are still arguing over. We don’t want any accidents or paradoxes this year.

For any of our viewers in the past, please do not use any of the information you see and hear to try and alter your future as you may screw up our timeline and then you will no longer be able to enjoy this amazing sport!

For any of our viewers in the future, please do not use historical records of the race’s outcome for gambling purposes, that’s just dirty cricket.

Now, everyone please stand and recite our “Corporate Pledge Of Allegiance”:
“I pledge allegiance to our Corporate benefactors,
The Five Who Sit Above Us,
Who restored our world,
And give us life,
May their stocks never lose value.”

Alright, race fans, let’s get this started!

The Outback Stadium’s “Hateful 8” track consists of a 3 mile long figure 8 dirt track. Riders are allowed to fly up to a maximum of 75 feet above the surface of the track. Red arrows mark the way, with out of bounds lines marked with neon green pillars. Towers containing race officials are on each side of the center of the course. The start/finish line rests on the center of the x. There are no penalties for going off track, but no shortcuts are allowed.

Our first racer on the track is our pace bike piloted by a very special guest, Beavil Knevil!
That’s right, everyone’s favorite human/beaver hybrid corporate mascot had come out of retirement for this 40th Anniversary race! If you remember, Knevil broke the majority of his bones a decade ago trying to jump the New Panama Canal. He has recently regained the use of his legs and has graciously joined us today piloting his customized RAMJet, the “Eager Beaver”.

Knevil revs up his engine and takes off! He is soaring about 60 feet above the track and is about to take his first turn. He’s around the first turn and heading into the “X”!

Oh no! He’s veering off of the track and heading for the stands!

He’s just corrected his course and is returning to the track folks, everything’s fine.

Oh, Gods! There was just a small explosion! Race Ops is reporting that they have lost one of their holo-camera drones used to cover the race. It appears that Knevil collided with it when returning to the track! We can see smoke and flames coming from his left engine!

The track safety crew are waving flags to alert Knevil to land, but he’s still trying to finish his lap! Land, Beavil, land!

His engine just exploded! He’s heading for the ground! Rescue hovercraft have been dispatched!

That was a huge fireball! Beavil’s been through worse so I am sure he is ok!

The rescue medics have him, folks, I see a thumb’s up, he’s alive! As soon as they clear the wreckage from the track and find his arm, we will get the race started.

While we wait for the mess to be cleared, here are a few words from our sponsors:

_________________

Alright, I am getting a message that the track has been cleared but Beavil’s arm was taken by a mutant rad-rat and cannot be recovered. That’s gotta be a bummer for the Beav-man!

Our racers are lining up in the pole positions.

In the front row we have “Chaos Machine” piloted by Havok,
“Shadow Wing” piloted by Black Widow,
“Scrapjet” piloted by The Scavenger,
and “Dragula” piloted by Boogie Man at the front of the pack

followed by “Shadow Blade” piloted by Baron von Ritchofen,
“Hell Racer” piloted by Cannibal Girl and Ratfink,
“Firebreather” piloted by Lugg The Bikebarian,
“Shadow Cycle” piloted by Flyboy,
“Suicide Tank” piloted by Capt. Spaulding,
“Thunder Kiss” piloted by Baby,
and “The Dark Horse” piloted by Red Laser!

Our remaining racers are “Stingray” piloted by Johnny “FN Ramrod” Blaze,
“SAS Hornet” piloted by SAS Quarrel,
“Gyrejet” piloted by Blue-Gyre and FU Monkey,
“The Golden Idol” piloted by Zalek,
"Jack Knife" piloted by The Edge
“The Grey Ghost” piloted by Knighthawk,
“RAMeleon Swamp Jetter” piloted by Cold Slither Zartan,
"Iron Griffin" piloted by Cheetah and
“Jethawk” piloted by Hoecake Atoms bringing up the rear!

Our Starting Official for today’s race is the head of Katy Perry!

There she is folks!

That pretty head is contained is a P-Luv Bio-Tech Cranial Preservation Unit sitting atop a Krink Inc Robotic Mobility Droid!
Just look at those chromium curves! They just don’t make them like her anymore, at least not naturally.

Ms. Perry is raising her arm, yes race fans, her hand is transforming into starter gun mode, you can cut the tension with a knife!

The shot is fired and the race is on!

The racers shoot past Perry and begin taking to the skies!

The sound is almost unbearable here in the announcer’s booth! I feel bad for the fans in the cheap seats!

Cannibal Girl has decapitated Katy Perry with her bike’s wing! Her lawyers are going to sue Cannibal Girl’s pants off!

The riders are all heading into the “X”!

And we have a pile up!

There are bike parts and riders flying everywhere!

Rescue hovercraft are about to be launched!

Wait! They are all getting back up and getting back on their bikes!

They are off again. It looked worse than it was!

Dragula is in the lead!

Hayseed: Hey Havok, radio check.

Havok: Loud and clear brother.

Hayseed: 10-4, after the race start I'll launch the drone and give you a heads up. Keep one eye on the track and one on your screen.

Havok: Yeah, yeah, but I gotta admit this might not have been my best idea. These guys look insane and their bikes are a might bit bigger than our CHAOS machine.

Hayseed: Just worry about running a good race and surviving. 'Member that last race how many bikes got wrecked. Finishing the race just might mean we win. We got this and then we'll add a few more ponies.

Havok: Easy for you to say from the pits.

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The first 29 laps have been pretty uneventful.

There have been some close calls but riders are learning their lessons when it comes to the “X”.

They are spreading out leaving some space to prevent collisions when entering the tight confines of the criss-cross and watching for any stragglers at the back of the pack that they might run into.

We are now entering lap 100, a third of the way into the first leg of the race with Scrapjet in the lead!

The crowd is getting rowdy! They have been drinking heavily and they want blood!

Despite the 600mph in the straightaways, we have yet to see one serious crash!

Our current standings:

Scrapjet is in the lead,
followed by Chaos Machine,
Dragula,
Shadow Blade,
The Dark horse,
Shadow Wing,
Hell Racer,
Firebreather,
Suicide Tank,
Thunder Kiss,
Stingray,
Jack Knife,
Gyrejet,
Iron Griffin,
Shadow Cycle,
RAMeleon Swamp Jetter,
SAS Hornet,
The Grey Ghost and Jethawk
with The Golden Idol dead last!

We are going to take a short break for some Corporate adverts but will be returning shortly!

And now a word from our sponsors:

“When you are surfing the Omni-Net or calling your aunt Gladys in Neo Orlando, always remember to use ONLY officially branded BindyCom hardware and apps!"

"It’s the law!"

"BindyCom keeps you connected.”"

Drongo Vic here again race fans!

Before we return to coverage of the race, we have an announcement to make: Chief, our head of Stadium Security, has apprehended the thief who has been stealing parts from the pit areas, an unscrupulous scavenger droid by the name of Punisher117F is the culprit and is on his way to the New Botany Bay Penal Colony as well as having been banned from all RAMJet League stadiums systemwide until the heat death of the universe.

You would think that catching that lowlife would put a smile on Chief’s face, but we all know that Chief NEVER smiles…

As we head into lap 150, the racers reach the halfway point of the first leg of the race!

Shadow Wing is in the lead heading into the “X” and is about to lap SAS Hornet who is the last racer in the pack!

SAS Quarrel is looking behind her at the rapidly approaching Shadow Wing and seems to be reaching for something under the front fairing of her RAMJet.

It looks like something has just come loose from the SAS Hornet!

It’s not clear what it is, but it’s something small and dark. The object has just struck one of the intakes on the Shadow Wing!

We have an explosion!

The Shadow Wing is breaking up and Black Widow is thrown from the bike!

She’s plummeting towards the track 70 feet below!

She hits and crumples like a rag doll! That’s gotta hurt!

Rescue hovercraft have been dispatched!

The crowd is going insane!

The racers following the Shadow Wing are maneuvering to avoid the shrapnel and debris from the Shadow Wing’s destruction, with some racers in the front of the pack actually veering off of the course!

Remember, there is no penalty for leaving the course, but this could cost them their positions as the racers behind them surge forward!

The officials are conferring and are ordering SAS Hornet into the pits to determine if it was a malfunction of some kind or a deliberate act.

Deliberately taking out another racer has been frowned upon since the “death races” were phased out of RAMJet League events a decade ago.

We will announce the officials’ findings as soon as we have them!

With Shadow Wing out of the race, we are down to 19 racers with Dragula once again taking the lead!

I am getting reports of disturbances in the stands as fans of Team Red Shadows and fans from Mega-Britannia are getting into shouting matches and even some pushing.

I fear an all-out brawl may erupt if SAS Quarrel does not get some sort of penalty for the Shadow Wing incident!

We are going to take a small break for some more adverts and return with more exciting RAMJet action!

LIFE is HARD, so is Uncle Wilkins Hard Grape Soda.

when BABY wants to relax after a hard day on the track she doesn't need anything fancy.

40oz RIDE HARD

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If you are enjoying tonight’s race, be sure to purchase officially licensed replicas of all of the racers and their RAMjets!

These fine replicas come in a variety of scales and models, from pocket sized die cast minis to quarter scale virtual reality remote piloted drones!

All manufactured by human J.MichaelsCorp workers, not soulless robots!

Available at all J.Michaels-Marts system-wide!

Prior to race week most presumed that Knighthawk was dead and the Grey Ghost had been reduced to scrap. While it was a surprise that both have returned for the current race, most surprising is that nobody has questioned how the bike looks identical to how it looked before the crash.

To those look closely, however, Knighthawk seems a bit off...



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Drongo Vic coming to you live once again from the Outback Stadium in the former Australian Federation!

As we head into lap 200, the emergency response droids have been dispatched to combat the fires in section 42 of the stands.

As you recall, angry Red Shadows supporters started the blazes by flipping over an “Uncle Wilkins’ Hard Grape Soda” truck after SAS Quarrel was found innocent in the destruction of the Shadow Wing and the maiming of Black Widow (due to a loose panel on the SAS Hornet causing the unfortunate accident.)

The current body count is 417 dead, mostly Mega-Britannia citizens.

The officials would like to remind everyone watching that placing bets on death tolls in the stands is not only illegal, but immoral. Thank you for your cooperation.


Gyrejet currently leads the pack into the first curve.

The racers appear to be playing it safe and are just hoping to make it to the next part of the race.




We are going to take a small break for some more adverts and return with more exciting RAMJet action!”

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Drongo Vic here in the announcer’s booth again.

Here in lap 220, It looks like Chaos Machine is having some difficulty, wobbling all over the track.

We may have a steering linkage problem.

The Chaos Machine is leaving the track and heading for the nearest pit area.

In a gruelingly long race like this, you are bound to see some mechanical failures as these high-performance machines are run through the ringer.

The racers have begun to signal their crews that they are running low on fuel so expect to start seeing bikes peel off for refueling soon.

They will almost certainly need refueling again before they enter the second leg of the race.

Hellracer is in the lead followed closely by The Grey Ghost!

It’s still anyone’s race at this point!


We are going to take a short break for some Corporate adverts but will be returning shortly!