We interrupt your adverts with this breaking RAMJet Supermotoenduro news!

I am getting a message from the officials. It seems like Jethawk pilot Hoecake Atoms ate some bad Scramble Snax before the race and now has a case of explosive diarrhea!

His flight suit is filled to bursting!

I guess he just couldn't handle the spicy nova powder used on the Snax.

Atoms' suit has just burst and he's spattering the riders behind him with foulness!

Atoms is pulling off of the track and into the pits!

Scratch that!

He has gone past the pits and has landed the Jethawk near a row of J.MichaelsCorp TR1ER model sani-johns.



They are looking for a new rider for the Jethawk, after it's cleaned and sterilized anyway.

Several of the racers that were following Atoms have pulled into the pits to be hosed off by the pit crews.



Sadly, not all of them wore full face masks so toothbrushes and mouth wash have been sent to the pits.

Blais Brothers Racing Communications on Channel BR549 for those of you with J.MichaelsCorp race radios, Available at all J.Michaels-Marts system-wide!

Havoc: Hey brother, I gotta come in, she's not hanging those turns like she s'posed to.

Hayseed: Alright,alright,alright, watch yer head, the drones coming in to dock and recharge while I work it out. Hows it feel, is it in the steering or is it a throttle issue between the main thruster?

Havoc: I don't know right now, she just ain't hanging those turns like she was. Alls I know is we need to get her fixed up right quick or these bikes out here are gonna be way ahead of us at these speeds.

Hayseed: Well I might have a few tricks up my sleeve to get you back up front. Let me check out this problem right now and we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

_________________

ATTENTION ALL OUTBACK STADIUM PATRONS:

The fire in Section 42 has spread into several adjoining sections of the stands.

For the next 30 minutes, all Spectre-Tech fire safety and suppression gear, bearing the official logos of your favorite racers, is 25% off in the gift shops for your convenience!

This is Kaylee Dundee filling in for Drongo Vic (as he’s busy draining the lizard.) He’s been pounding “BadAsh” synthetic alcohol coolers since before the race started.


We’re in lap 276 and Firebreather is pulling into the pits with a broken fuel line!

There’s no flag on the track as the dirt is soaking it up, but we may see an issue if the fire in the stands reaches the track -- so we will keep you posted on that!

Stingray has just overtaken Suicide Tank for the lead!

As we head into the final 2 dozen laps of the first leg of the race, the action is heating up faster than the fire raging in the stands!

CRIKEY!

A massive fireball just erupted from the pits!!

Pit techs are reporting that Lugg the Bikebarian decided to light up a stogie and tossed the match into the fuel leaking from his RAMJet!

7 pit techs and Lugg are reported as having been burnt to a crisp. I hope Lugg’s family knows a good necromancer!!

I just heard a flush so it looks like I’ll be giving the mic back to Drongo.

Enjoy the rest of the race!

This is your old pal, Drongo, back from the loo. Looks like I missed a wicked boom, but I am sure there will be many more before this race is over!

We are going to take a small break for some more Corporate adverts and then return with the final laps of the first leg of the race!

ATTENTION ALL OUTBACK STADIUM PATRONS:

Due to the fires in the stands expanding, we are now sold out of all Spectre-Tech fire safety and suppression gear.

Sorry for any inconveniences this may cause.

In addition, as several riots have broken out due to the lack of available Spectre-Tech fire safety and suppression gear, we are now offering a 25% discount on all Spectre-Tech blunt objects and a 15% discount on all Spectre-Tech personal defense equipment, all bearing the official logos of your favorite racers of course.”

----

Drongo Vic here again, it’s lap 299 and the fires and riots in the stands have gotten too hot for this veteran announcer!

I am vacating the announcer’s booth for the safety of a Corporate hovercraft and its security detail. I will continue to bring you all the exciting race coverage via Omni-Net streaming!

It’s going to take a sec to switch over our signal so we are going to take another short advert break and be right back!

LAP 299 UPDATE

!! THE DARK HORSE SURGES INTO THE LEAD !!

Heading into the final lap, The Dark Horse ha.... OH MY GOODNESS

THE JACK KNIFE (currently in last place) HAS ALTERED HIS COURSE THROUGH THE ' X ' AND INTENTIONALLY TAKEN OUT THE DARK HORSE !

BOTH RIDERS ARE THROWN, BOTH BIKES LOOK TO BE TRASHED

THE EDGE IS SURELY GOING TO BE CENSURED FOR THIS !! MED BOTS ARE SCRAMBLING TO CHECK ON RED LASER -- HE IS DOWN AND NOT MOVING

updates to come

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“We’re live? Everything’s working?"

Drongo Vic coming to you once again, now safely transmitting from a Corporate hovercraft speeding towards the finish line for tonight’s race!

We’re here! It’s Lap 300, the final lap of the first leg of the race!

The racers (led by Suicide Tank) pull into the pits for a final refueling and any last-minute repairs before they head into the second leg of the race!

While they refuel, I want to thank all of the emergency response droids that continue to battle the blaze which now engulfs over half of the stands surrounding the track.

I also want to thank the brave stadium security forces that are attempting to contain the riots that have begun to spill out onto the track.

The racers are in the air again!

The RAMeleon Swamp Jetter steals first place and screams down the final straightaway, with the rest of the pack closely following!


The track-wide metal grate at the end of the straightaway had dropped into the opening position revealing a black abyss!

That yawning darkness is the opening to the Inferno Catacombs, the motocross portion of the race!

The crowd is going wild!

The racers plunge into the Catacombs and the second leg of the race is on!

Several portions of the stands have collapsed!

The riots have now spread across the entire track!

Stadium security is falling back for hovercraft evac!

It’s pandemonium!

The property damage is estimated to be in the millions!

The death toll in the thousands!

The ratings are through the roof!”

Did someone say something about impressing ladies? The Chick Magnet may have to enter this arena. The Main Event on a RAMJET? Oh, have mercy!! The ShowStoppa has heard the call!!

_________________

===================

We are down to 15 remaining racers after Shadow Wing was knocked out in the 150th lap and Jethawk’s pilot suffered his debilitating and embarrassing bout of explosive diarrhea and the seemingly intentional crash in the “X” caused by Jack Knife that also took out The Dark Horse.

A replacement rider from Team Jethawk was quickly assigned, but the Jethawk’s engine was so clogged with feces that it would not work and needs to be completely replaced -- taking them out of the race!

Scramble Snax has said that they will send Team Jethawk several cases of their less spicy Goldbug-flavored Snax for all of the free publicity.

Here are our rankings:

RAMeleon Swamp Jetter is in the lead.
Iron Griffin
Gyrejet
Shadow Blade
Thunder Kiss
Hellracer
Chaos Machine
Scrapjet
SAS Hornet
The Golden Idol
Dragula
The Grey Ghost
Suicide Tank
Stingray
Shadow Cycle bringing up the rear.

order your official hellracer swag direct from KRINK INC. proud new sponsor of team superbeast!


KRINK INC. is always looking for the best new riders. send your biomaterial scan and registration fee today!

KRINK INC. "We make what you make better, one day at a time, for a new tomorrow.”

_________________

News from Red Shadow Pit:

Reports say that the Shock shadows have really earned their money today. Having 3 bikes on the tracks would keep any Pit crew busy but then you throw in such a outrageous "accident" it made a lot more work along with the extra worry as their lead racer and the lady that pays all of the bills was rushed off in unknown condition. I should say that the Shadows are out for blood. They are convinced that the SAS is out to get them. They probably are not wrong about that, Team Action Force has a long history with the Red Shadows . They believe that Quarrel was sandbagging so she could sabotage one of the Shadow bikes, a bike as fast as hers should have never been being lapped even with the limited agility.

Reporters asked them about Black Widow and her bike and if they would be able to make it into next race. The consensus was that they should be able to rebuild the bike in time but while Black Widow was off the critical list it was still too soon to tell if she would make it back for the next race. Reports say she broke at least 15 bones and maybe more. It is very likely that she will be visiting the P-Luv Biotech offices soon if she is going to stand a chance of making it back in time for the next race.

Did you hear that Cold Slither track blasting from the Ramelion as Zartan rallied into the lead? I think he must have installed a new stereo system on his bike. I do not know if that thump will help him win the race but win or lose he is going to be jamming when it happens.

WARNING:

“The fires at the Outback Stadium have reduced over 80% of the structure to scorched rubble and have attracted hordes of mutants from the surrounding Radback to come and feast on the spectators and staff attempting to flee the disaster. There are even a few Kaiju sized ‘pikers making their way towards the stadium! The stadium is a total loss but the Corporations hope to have it rebuilt in time for next season’s races!”

===============

Drongo Vik coming to you live once again from my Corporate hovercraft!

I am making my way towards the finish line over 700 miles from the HATEFUL8 track and I will be bringing you all of the continuing race mayhem until this is all over!


Our racers, led by the RAMeleon Swamp Jetter have plunged straight ahead into the second leg of our race, hundreds of feet below the scorched earth.

I am viewing the mayhem on 20 hi-def 100K holo-monitors! The Inferno Catacombs get their name from the abundance of remains from post-nuclear age cemetery transplants, ancient cultist sacrificial temples, and the bones of the early aboriginal tribes who first stalked this vast network of caves millennia ago. Filled with natural wonders and massive fossils protruding from the floor, ceiling and almost every wall. Sky lights, bioluminescent extraterrestrial flora, and smoldering coal provide very little of the precious light needed to navigate the over 700 miles of peril waiting to greet our racers. 12 grueling checkpoints await our remaining riders!

Oh, what wonders we have in store for you!

This leg of the race is almost as dangerous as “Satan’s Colon”, the track on what is left of Hawaii’s big island that runs through active magma tubes and around the inner rims of several active volcanoes.

The racers are 15 miles into the Catacombs, massive boulders and shards of ancient bones litter the downward grade. A sea of jet black, eyeless rad-bats have come pouring out from the darkness ahead and have engulfed the racers! The cloud of rad-bats is so thick that we cannot even see the racers!

2 explosions have just blossomed out from the sea of rad-bats sending them chittering away back into the darkness!

Our riders are disoriented and veering all over the narrow passageway!

In all of the confusion, we cannot tell which racer is which, but our tracking system shows us that SAS Hornet and Scrapjet are down!

It appears that they collided and careened into the walls of the cavern! Our holo-camera drones are searching for survivors.

It appears that Scrapjet’s pilot, The Scavenger has been impaled through the chest by a massive dinosaur rib! We are not getting any vitals!

SAS Quarrel’s beacon has been found in a puddle of blood and a mess of torn fabric, looks like she fell prey to one of the many mutant predators in the Catacombs.

Hopefully the crash killed her before they started to feed…

We’ll be right back after these adverts!

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