BREAKING
this just in from the intergalactic warrant office:


remember only you can help bring justice to an unjust world.
paid for by the comity for corporations LTD

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ATTENTION:

The area surrounding the former site of Outback Stadium has been sanitized.

Due to the biological hazards present in the aftermath of a mass sterilizing, the region has been deemed off limits for the next 6 months or until the air quality is considered safe again, whichever is longer.

This is Drongo Vik bringing you the latest from the 2077 RAMJET SUPERMOTOENDURO!

Our remaining racers are speeding over 60 miles of cavern split by a dry valley with jagged pumice, fractured crevices and large boulder outcrops!

Zig-zagging their way to way to checkpoint #5, here are the standings:

Stingray is in the lead.
Gyrejet
Hellracer
Dragula
The Grey Ghost
Suicide Tank
Shadow Cycle
Iron Griffin is bringing up the rear.

The first racers have reached “The Steps”- another decent ever deeper into the cursed earth.

The Steps look like they were made by human hands but for a race of cyclopean giants or gods.

They are composed of sharp honed limestone with a high cathedral ceiling overhead.

Random, piercing rays of sunlight filter into the shadows from high above, allowing the racers to be able to open up and reach top speeds.

The racers dive headlong into The Steps!

Reaching the bottom, they find 60 miles of open throttles and clear sailing.

The leaders push even further out front, as the rest of the pack file in.

There are some hot battles for the front position with Hellracer taking the coveted spot as the racers head for the next checkpoint!

We’re going to take another advert break and will return shortly!

The racers are heading into a dangerous checkpoint!

The “Tip Of The Spear” looms ahead- here the cave width rapidly thins by half.

There is a shallow pull off just to the right at this checkpoint- smoke if you got 'em.

This might be the only chance for the racers to tweak their rides or just take a much-needed leak.

Hellracer screams through the narrow pass but Gyrejet isn’t so lucky!

Impacting the wall sends Gyrejet bouncing to the other side, throwing Blue-Gyre hard to the ground, and then up off of the ceiling!

The bike finally comes to rest after slamming into the ground hard enough to leave a crater!

It is such a shame to see a brand new bike get destroyed like that!

Blue-Gyre is limping off of the track and into the pull off but FU Monkey is nowhere to be found.


The remaining racers clear the checkpoint and begin running 50 miles through another wide-open straight.

The riders open their throttles and scream ahead towards the second half of the Inferno Catacombs!

Time for an advert break, see you in 5!”

BindyCom is proud to announce the release of their newest BindyCom 2100 Communications Cranial Implant!

Never worry about dropping your commset again as this model is implanted directly into your skull, allowing communications to be beamed directly into the audio and visual processing centers of your brain!

Respond to incoming calls, texts, O-Mails and even take pictures just by thinking about it!

It even allows for hands-free surfing of the Omni-Net!

BindyCom keeps you connected.

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This upcoming weekend is “Remembrance Day”, honoring all of the racers that we have lost in the last year, both on the track and off.

In honor of the Holiday, J.MichaelsCorp will be having a massive 40% off sale at all of their J.Michaels-Mart stores systemwide!

Stop by participating stores for free hologram posters of this years’ featured racers.

Collect all 137!

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if you have enjoyed the music heard during the race be sure to purchase the official soundtrack.
available now on omniverse.

featuring the classic cover of "DIRTY BLACK SUMMER" by DAMZIL
brought to you by KRINK INC.

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Balls.....

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Losing GyreJet was hard, it was a fan favorite to win the race, but that’s just not in the cards any longer!

Our remaining 7 racers still have 6 deadly checkpoints to navigate before the final run to the finish line!

Who will be out winner tonight?

The polls and gambling centers are still open!


Hellracer is still in the lead followed closely by Stingray as the pungent odor of sulfur begins to filter through BindyCom “Smell-o-gram” filters systemwide and a distant red glow leads our riders to checkpoint #7 “Ash Pass”- the air quality here is terrible, but somehow still more appealing than the inside of Hoecake Atoms’ flight suit.

The path ahead of our racers is nothing but eternally smoldering coal and thick white smoke hanging in the air.

The crumbling sulfur ceiling and hot coal embers embedded in the walls are a constant reminder to keep moving.

Amazingly, all of the racers make it through 70 miles of torturous heat.

We are looking at some seriously fatigued riders and machines!

The Catacombs have taken a toll- 15 racers entered but only 7 are still in the race.

8 RAMJets are destroyed, 8 racers are down, 6 of them permanently- barring any miraculous resurrections anyway.

After all of this excitement, I need a break and I am sure you at home do as well.

Blais Brothers Racing Communications on Channel BR549 for those of you with J.MichaelsCorp race radios, Available at all J.Michaels-Marts system-wide!


Havok: Man this thing is getting all loose again. Where's my pit, I gotta get in...Aww man I ain't feeling too good brother....

Hayseed: C'mon tell me more, stay with me. I got the drone headed back your way. What's going on, talk to me...

Havok:.........

Hayseed: I got eyes on you, look where you're going..... HAVOK! HAVOK!! ADAAAM!!! WAKE UP!!!!!

Havok:................

Hayseed: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Havok: Uhhhh, aww man, whuts happenin' ow!, UHHHHHHHHH.........

---TRANSMISSION LOST---

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ATTENTION:

Reports are coming in of riots breaking out systemwide in response to Blue-Gyre’s accident!

This racer came out of nowhere and won the hearts of fans everywhere despite his lack of Corporate sponsorship.

This “man of the people” seems to have inspired something of a cult…